All I can say at this point is good luck! I don't think there is any standard mechanism across platforms for LDAP change notification or sync, so I think that may be difficult to build in a directory-agnostic way. DirSync and LDAP change notifications are MS extensions.
I also don't know if every directory out there supports DSML. I know the MS directories do to some extent (although I don't know how well maintained the DSML server for Windows is).
I can see why it would be nice to get the LDAP data munged into XML automatically though.
In the case of S.DS.P, I'm not sure if it ever gives you the raw XML. Its API goal is to make the XML transparent to the programmer so that you can switch back and forth between LDAP TCP and DSML under the hood and maintain the same object-based programming model.
You might end up being happier issuing your own HTTP calls, although that will likely be fairly difficult as there is no WSDL support in DSML, so you have to craft your SOAP calls by hand.
Hopefully you'll find a way to move forward that works for you.